The 5 to 8 Happy Dance.

Last night to get my wind-down on, I took a nice hot shower, and retreated to my room to bust some yoga moves before bed.  A few deep breaths into a pigeon I had the realization.  Holy Shit.  I’m an 8.  So sneaky!  So good!  I gently undid myself from my stretch, to go announce this triumphant revelation to Trista (my all-star roomy for those of you who have yet the pleasure of encountering her glory).

“Soooooooo…“  I eased in. 

“Yes?”  She replied, as she diligently tackled her free-lance work deep into the evening hours. 

“All summer long, my quality of life maxed out at a 5.  But NOW I’m an 8!”

She stopped what she was doing to express genuine congratulations.  And then sat and pondered her numbers for a minute.  “Yep, that’s exactly me too… 5 to an 8!” 

And then we happy danced.

Being a 5, on my personalized spectrum, is something like a soft depression.  Functional, yet for the most part, joyless.  Seem regular, but the light is perpetually on dimmer mode.  It’s the fight or flight space.  The yearning space.  The attachment space.  But what I had a hard time acknowledging at the time, but can see oh so clearly now, is that this space serves a very useful purpose...

When made the most of.

What did I do to cope with my 5-ness?  I started this blog project.  I painted my ass off.  I discovered avenues for teaching art to kiddos.  I found an amazing therapist who helped me see that I need to have more fun in my life.  I didn’t move across the country.  I empathized with other 5’s whom I love, whom are also eagerly shooting to be 10’s.  We work diligently to support each other.  Every day we make contributions toward healing one another.  In a reasonably short period of time, I situated my life just the way I want it to be… for the time being.  And all this, not because I was a 10, but because I was a 5, and didn’t want to be forever.  

And then ya know, at some point I became a 6, a 6.5, and a 7.  But I didn’t notice these subtle shifts.  It took being an 8 to realize how far I’d come.  The emptiness that no longer feels so empty.  The joy that is much more readily available.  The attitude of non-attachment to particular outcomes that I am way more comfortable navigating through life with.

And my ability to boogie again.  Yes, that's right…Stella got her groove back.

My goal of course, is to be a 10.  But I’m open to the fact that I might be a 2 again before I get there.  It’s cool.  Because the TRUTH IS OUT: nothing lasts forever. 

And we have each other. 

And we get exactly what we need, when we need it. 

So we climb, climb, fall, climb, fall, climb, fall, fall, climb, CLIMB, CLIMB, CLIMB……

And realize, momentum is infectious. 

And faith takes us right where we need to go. 

Believing in the 10, every day, is the hardest part at first – and then makes everything, and I mean EVERYTHING so much easier.