The title of this here blog project and the purpose for its
existence is a loyal reverence to the
process, which as would happen, has become rather foundational to my thinking
since I began this journey. This
week, I’ve been contemplating a great deal about outcome... and the role it plays for better and for worse. And more particularly, the desired outcome, or the
fantasy vision we dream up for ourselves and others – as if we are in sole control of
what goes down in this big ol’ infinite universe.
There’s this grand illusion that most of us, on some
level, buy into - which is that the
outcome is where purpose and gratification are stored. Now, don’t get me wrong, I full-
heartedly
believe in the immense power of dreaming great-big-beautiful visions. But I’m also growing to understand that
our suffering arises when we forcibly attach ourselves to how, what, and with
whom sh*t ought to go down. When
we exalt ourselves to the almighty status of “decider” losing sight of any
other way. This is where the problems lie… Let me count the ways:
2)We short-change our growth potential. An outcome is merely a motivation for
movement. When we are so stuck on
a certain result, we close ourselves off to the beautiful growth opportunities
that open themselves up to us all along the way.
3)We become rigid in our thinking, our minds become narrow,
and we diminish our ability to be mystified by the surprises and gifts happening
around us all the time.
4)We rarely factor pain into our plan. And so when our hearts break, or our
jobs fail, or we lose our homes, we become victims of loss, rather than agents
of free-flowing change. A change
that is necessary to take us higher if we are able to accept it as such.
5)We grow accustomed to putting our happiness
off. “Happiness isn’t for now,” we
convince ourselves. “Happiness is
for when _____ is in place.”
Story Time:
My girl Hana (or “true boo” as we’ve dubbed one
another) decided that she’d outgrown her life in Portland. It had served its purpose and was
beginning to fail her - fail her heart, fail her inspiration, fail her growth. And so one night about 6 months ago, we
were working through her dissatisfaction on the phone, and coming to terms with
what needed to change for Hana to receive the best of life’s offerings. Boston was the obvious conclusion. She has family there. She has cultural roots in the Wampanoag
tribe in Cape Cod, and she’s determined to get her graduate school on… and
Boston has many upon many options.
So, hey, “why don’t you move to Boston?” I suggested. That was all that needed to be said. Hana was in. And so for the past 6 months, she’s been busting hard to
save for her cross-country move.
Her plan was to take a few weeks to drive there with a good friend,
stopping along the way at worthwhile destinations such as Dollywood, and the
hotel where MLK was shot (to name a few).
Almost to her new home city, she had one last person and place to experience. Kelly, A family friend in Lynchburg Virginia,
is a professor of Anthropology and African Studies, a meaningful connection for
the work Hana is growing into. She
had a feeling that a stay-over with Kelly would add to her livelihood in some
way that was important. Kelly
introduced Hana to a very influential Chilean traveling art educator, who asked
Hana what her dream was. When Hana
described it, (to buy an old warehouse, convert it into a youth rec center,
with a focus on food, art, music, counseling, and peer mentorship), his
interest perked… as he was actively working to grow that very thing, and invited Hana to be an instrumental part of its development. And so now Hana’s
moving to Lynchburg. She plans to
spend the next month connecting with her peeps in the Cape while studying for
the GRE, and then is jumping on the bandwagon to where her process led
her.
Because she listened to the signs.
Because she wasn’t attached to her outcome.
And well, because she’s Hana. A truly amazing
human (as those of you who are lucky to know her can attest). <3
I think Hana’s story does an impeccable job at
showing what an outcome is really
for. Motivation. Direction. A Loose Guide.
As being a "dreamer" is something that I don't see myself outgrowing anytime soon, I am simultaneously becoming more and more a devout worshipper of the process. Here’s why:
1)It teaches us how to trust. How to surrender to life’s offerings,
how to put our egos aside, and attract what we truly need.
2)It gives us the strength to overcome. When we are connected to our process,
we are in touch with the fact that the only thing we are truly in charge of is
our growth, and the only thing we can truly expect is change.
3)We become more versatile. We hit fewer walls.
We find deeper meaning in everything.
4)We become empowered by making it “through”. We are able to reap the growth benefits
of taking on the challenges we are gifted.
5)We are more open and willing to saying hello and
also saying goodbye.
6)We become more apt to forgive ourselves and others
because the process is all about
screwing up… and sometimes a lot, to figure out what works best.
7)We build our connection to spirituality. We work with our higher power(s), rather than try and be it/them.
8)Our happiness is for today. For right now. For this very moment. Because there will never be a time that
we are not fully immersed in some process or another.
It’s not the first time Bruce Lee said it best…
Be water, my friend.
You only lose what you cling to.
 |
| Illustration by Dante Cureton |
2 comments:
There is nothing but the process. The journey, is to live a life of grace and gratitude. To focus at all on result is to miss the journey in its entirety.
Many many years back I sat and pondered the nature of my unhappiness, and in the quiet of my heart realized it was grounded in expectation, and not just mine, but parental, spousal, teachers, friends..... What one has achieved, what one has amassed, where I had arrived at this present moment all were held to some imagined expectation of where I should be, and wasn't ! My results.
So, I thought, what if I could let go of expectation ? I started by eliminating all outside expectations, realizing they were grounded mostly in their happiness not mine. Then slowly I started to lower my own expectations until I arrived at a place where felt a sense of happiness, freedom and movement. It felt.. wonderful ! So wonderful, I dedicate my life to letting go of expectation all together, realizing expectations are but boulders in the river of life slowly to be worn down, caressed by life's journey.
Yes, it is a process thing, and it is powerful !
Love you, Halley. Everything about this opportunity to be human is exquisite. There is nothing like this experience, anywhere. It's an exquisite blessing, this life...even the pain is exquisite. If, in the middle of the pain, we can recognize, even if briefly, how unique and exquisite the experience is, the experience is not wasted and becomes holy. As humans, we generally prefer the experiences that feel good and in such, recognition is equally holy. Namaste, dear Halley, on your path, in your search, and with your experiences. You are never alone. Love, Gigi
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